


Always

by LayWright



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who: Eighth Doctor Adventures - Various Authors
Genre: Drinking, Fitz is too emotional, Graphic Suicide, Heartbreak, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 15:59:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14674509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LayWright/pseuds/LayWright
Summary: Fitz realized he wasn’t sure if he could ever fall in love again now that they were gone. He hated this thought, but it was probably true.Fitz Kreiner, the man who fell in love too easily, could never love again.





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> Stupid memories
> 
> Things you think about that make you ache

How long has he been with the Doctor? A long time, apparently. How long were they together? A long time, apparently.

Time didn’t really matter much to Fitz. Not really. You’d probably feel the same way if you time traveled, would you?

Anyways.

Fitz sat in the chair in the console room idly tuning his guitar. The Doctor had walked back in, letting out a sigh as they approached the console. “Alright… Trix is off on her own now.” They said sadly.

Fitz looked at them with a frown. “She’ll be alright, Doc. She can definitely take care of herself.”

“I know that, Fitz. I’m alright. No need to worry about either of us.” The Doctor said with a smile. They walked over to Fitz and kissed him on the forehead. “It’s just the two of us. Try to behave, would you?”

Fitz grinned up at them. “Only if you do first.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m not leaving.”

“Fitz…”

“You heard me.” Fitz said, giving the Doctor a look. “I’m staying. I don’t know what’s going on with this whole ‘Time War’, but it sounds like hell and I’m not leaving you to deal with it on your own. So, I’m staying.”

The Doctor returned the look, but eventually it turned into a pleading one. “Fitz. Fitz, I’ve lost so much. I can’t lose anymore. Please, just go home. Be safe. It’s for the best-”

Fitz interrupted them with a kiss. He held it for a moment, then backed up a bit. “Doctor. I know what I signed up for. When I joined you and when I fell in love with you. I’m not scared, Doc. I’m sticking with you, no matter what. Got it?”

The Doctor looked as if they wanted to protest, but Fitz didn’t want to hear it. He walked off towards his room, leaving the Doctor to stand defeated next to the console.

 

* * *

 

“Where’s this, Doctor?”

Fitz looked at the doors, then back at the Doctor. “You never told me where we were going.”

The Doctor grinned. “It’s a surprise. I thought you’d like it. I even arranged a place for us to stay ahead of time. Go on ahead, I’ll catch up with you. I need to fix a few things on the console.”

Fitz nodded and began to walk out.

“Oh and Fitz?”

Fitz turned. “Yeah?”

“If you see a man with a purple top hat, tell him the Doctor sent you. He should get you all situated while you wait.”

“Alright.” Fitz said and walked out the doors. He took a few steps out and looked around, eyebrows furrowed. This place didn’t look like a big deal. Kinda familiar. It felt familiar.

After thinking a bit, it dawned on him. “This is Earth. Doctor-?”

The whooshing of the TARDIS was heard and Fitz turned around quickly, seeing the TARDIS leaving him behind.

“No, no, no, no!” Fitz shouted and ran to it. “Doctor! Doctor!!”

But it was too late. It vanished.

And Fitz fell to his knees. He was completely shocked and… What else? Heartbroken? Yes. That’s a good word to use. Fitz was heartbroken.

They just left him.

A man walked up to Fitz, but Fitz didn’t bother to look up at him. He still couldn’t believe what just happened.

“Are you Fitz Kreiner?” The man asked.

Fitz just nodded slowly, only just now realizing he was crying. He brought a hand to his face, now startled by the tears. He finally looked up at the man and noticed the dark purple hat sitting on his head.

Right. So the Doctor set up a place for him to live.

Reluctantly, Fitz got up and faced the strange man. “.... Just take me home.”

 

* * *

 

He tried dating other people.

Fitz went on many, many dates since the Doctor left him, but none of them ever filled the hole left in his aching heart.

Fitz realized he wasn’t sure if he could ever fall in love again now that they were gone. He hated this thought, but it was probably true.

Fitz Kreiner, the man who fell in love too easily, could never love again.

Was it ironic? Probably. Fitz didn’t care.

He just got back from another date. It didn’t end well, like all the others. Fitz didn’t enjoy it. The girl was super into it and stormed off when she realized she wasn’t gonna get laid tonight. Fitz wasn’t in the mood anyways. Fitz! Not in the mood! What a surprise that was.

Something really was wrong.

 

* * *

 

Another night of lots of booze and cigarettes. It really was the first night that Fitz actually tried this new thing he’s been meaning to try for a while.

Swaying slightly, Fitz looked down at the razor in his hands. It took a lot of drunken effort, but he managed to pry the thing out of the plastic.

Was it sharp enough? It looked like it was. There was really only one way to find out.

Fitz pressed the blade to his arm and slowly moved down. Sure enough, it cut through his skin with hardly any effort at all. Blood dripped down his arm and he just started to laugh. It hurt. It really hurt. But it distracted him from the heartbreak, and the pain might’ve actually felt good if he was sober enough to think it through.

The next day, Fitz woke up on the floor. There was a razor in his hand and dried blood all over his arms. He felt dizzy and he had a horrible hangover.

The realization of what he did dawned on him, and Fitz curled up, hiding his face in his hands after dropping the razor.

God you’re so pathetic, Kreiner.

 

* * *

 

Six notes.

Fitz sang the words to the six note song.

He wondered if the Doctor was thinking about him. One thing for sure, he was always thinking about them. It made him feel absolutely pathetic. He’s been heartbroken many times in his life, yet the Doctor leaving left a horrible wound that refuses to heal.

Fitz tried and tried again. He dated, he wrote his music and went out with new friends.

But none of it felt good. None of it felt right.

Fitz was incredibly disconnected from his friends, his job as a rockstar, his emotions… There was so many moments where he wondered if this was all some bad dream. It didn’t feel real. Fitz didn’t feel real. Nothing was real.

Nothing was real.

Everything was just white noise. Static. Fitz felt himself fading into the background. He let everything just fade away as he felt like he was leaving his own body.

Nothing was real.

 

* * *

 

It was another lonely, drunken night when Fitz snapped.

Fitz was throwing things. Bottles, chairs, guitars… Anything he could get his hands on. He was shouting angrily at no one and he was pretty sure the neighbors had called the cops on him.

“You just bloody left me! You didn’t even say goodbye! It’s been fucking years and you left me! You fucking left me!” He shouted, throwing a wooden chair directly at the TV. It broke the screen, sparks flying.

“I hate you! I hate you!” Fitz screamed, picking up a guitar. He raised it above his head, but instead, found himself slowly sinking to the ground. “I loved you… I love you… I love you so much…” He sobbed, setting the guitar down slowly.

That was it. That was it for Fitz.

Fitz got up and stumbled into the kitchen, heading straight for the knife drawer.

He grabbed the sharpest knife he could and looked it over. It was probably the alcohol talking, but he didn’t actually feel afraid about what he was gonna do. Fitz even stopped crying and just stared down at the knife with an almost peaceful expression.

Fitz walked back into the living room and sat down on the floor. He awkwardly moved the knife around, unsure on how he was gonna do it.

Stabbing didn’t feel too original. He wanted something quick. What was a good way to die? What did they do in the movies?

An idea struck him.

Fitz took a deep breath and brought the knife to his neck. Just a quick motion and it was over. That’s what happens in the movies, right? Quick and painless. Well, Fitz was no professional and his drunken mind didn’t seem to remember that that was all acting on the big screen. Still, it seemed like an appropriate way to go out.

He hesitated, hands beginning to shake.

They’re not coming back. They never thought about you. They don’t miss you. They’ve probably moved on by now. They found someone new. They don’t love you anymore. They wouldn’t notice if you died. Just die now, Kreiner. Die. Die.

Do it.

There was a quick motion and Fitz fell back, having successfully severed the arteries in his throat.

His body spasmed as it bled profusely, only stopping once a terrible amount of blood had been lost.

It was over very quickly.

 

* * *

 

“How’d he die?” A cop asked another who was crouched beside the body.

The second cop sighed. “Suicide, looks like. We have to analyze the fingerprints on the knife before we come to any conclusions. It looks like there was a bit of a scuffle here, so it could be murder.”

The first cop looked around, then walked over to pick up a piece of paper off of the ground. “He was the singer that hung around the cafes, right? I saw him a few times. I think I found a lyric sheet from him.”

Cop number two stood and looked over at the paper. “Looks like another song about heartbreak. That seems to make up most of his song list, doesn’t it?”

Cop one shook his head. “If it _was_ suicide, I think we know why. Kreiner was dealing with a heavy burden. It’s a shame we never realized it until he finally snapped.”

The two cops looked down at Fitz’s body and shook their heads. “It’s a shame. Heartbreak is a tough thing to deal with. Poor guy.” Cop two said quietly before walking out of the house.

Cop one stared down for a little longer. “Yeah… Yeah, it really is.” He said with a sigh. He then turned and followed his partner out the door, letting the people come in and take the body away.

Only a few people showed up to the funeral.

But a few days later, the wheezing sound of the TARDIS could be heard.

**Author's Note:**

> The song the title is based off of is Bon Jovi "Always"- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Sv1GJvItFg
> 
> Check out the fanmix for this fic!
> 
> http://fitzeight.tumblr.com/post/173906175307/left-behind-eightfitz-au-fanmix-a-doctor-who


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